Resilience is defined by psychologists as the process of adapting in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress.
Resilience is not the absence of hardship, challenge and should not be confused with toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is something that sounds or looks good, but feels like crap.
Resilience is not the absence of feeling weak, feeling hopeless or struggling. It is simply feeling those things, letting them go and then looking forward. It is something we have all harnessed before, even though we often forget we have. Now is the perfect time to dig up that evidence.
We are living in times of uncertainty and ultimately feeling threat to our survival both physically and financially due to Covid-19 and the conditions of the pandemic. While this is a global and communal experience, it is important to acknowledge that we are individuals coming from different experiences of trauma, conditioning and varying circumstances that effect our nervous system’s reaction to perceived threat.
It is of utmost importance to keep this in mind if you find yourself in a comparison trap. Now is the most important time to be practicing self kindness and compassion, and then spreading that outward. There are no right or wrong ways of being right now, so let us take some of that stress away.
Let us observe a little bit about how people are reacting, maybe you will be able to relate:
Some people may look like they are reacting well and are even thriving, but that doesn’t mean that on some level they aren’t processing stress and maybe dissociating (meaning checking out) from the reality of the situation to keep themselves feeling safe. This may be something they have learned early on in life and that has served them in past. Or, they may simply be processing in a healthy matter, have more stable circumstances and are able to cope a little easier than others. They may just be feeling more fatigue at the end of the day from processing the ever-changing environment, trying to remain socially distant in public or keeping up with the news. And that is ok.
Some people may be experiencing a state of hyper-vigilance, meaning they are in constant surveillance of threats to their safety. They may be the ones who ask you to step back from them in the grocery store or yell out that people are walking too close. They may have a chronic illness that constantly puts stress on their body, or they might just want to feel as safe as possible. And that is ok.
Some people may be exhausted, wanting to lay on their floor or stare at the TV or wall. They may feel frozen, overwhelmed and questioning whether they are depressed or sick. But chances are, this is just their bodies way of conserving energy and wanting to feel safe or life sustaining. They have a small window of tolerance for stimulus right now. And that is ok.
Some people are feeling free. They might have hated going to work and they may have needed this break. They may be finishing projects they always wanted to and feel joy in doing so. Some people are feeling the need to be productive; they may have some self-worth tied to certain roles or productivity levels and that is also ok.
Some may be experiencing all these states within an hour, a day, a week or a month. And that is ok.
Some people may be angry or fearful that they still must go to work or work from home. And that is ok.
Some people may feel at risk and unsafe at their jobs or at their homes. And that is ok.
Some people may be finding it hard to balance themselves and their families with so much time at home. And that is ok.
Some people may be reconnecting with themselves or the people they live with. And this is also ok.
Some people may be losing their savings, their business, their livelihood, their loved ones. There are people tired, stressed, devastated, numb and in grief.
I guess what I am saying is there are so many ways to be right now and each way of being has its own way of being valid, and I hope it is met with compassion and kindness.
So, what about resilience? How can we foster resilience right now? I think resilience is about acceptance and adaptability. I truly believe that in taking care of our true needs and our authentic selves, we will thrive. I think being in connection with ourselves, sharing our experiences and our precious hearts with others; is an act of resilience.
Please share with us what you are experiencing. We truly care and want to know.
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